OK, so I kinda forgot about 2013....

My dear followers... (crickets.. Uhg Totally my fault),

I promise not to be so lame this year. I have been busy over the last year and a half pursuing a new Career and having more babies. Please please for give me. Over the next several months I will attempt to seduce back your attention with lots of entertaining things and Hardware Haiku. Here are some pictures of baby animals to help you forget how mad at me you are :)

Spring Hardware Haiku

April Showers brings

May flowers and many things

Dust off that green thumb.

Hardware Haiku May 2012

April showers brings
May and apparently brings
Spiders not flowers...

I have a shovel
And with it I dig a hole
......RIGHT THROUGH MY DRIP LINE!!!! >:[

Lizard Repellant
Please Hardware gods invent it!
I NEED IT RIGHT NOW.

Step by Step Mini Toolbox

*I Do not claim ownership or invention of this project* First Saw the Project here: http://alphamom.com/family-fun/holidays/surprise-dad-with-the-smallest-toolbox-ever

Mini Toolbox!!

I thought this idea was cute and creative. It also seem timely and a great gift for upcoming fathers day! Here we go!

SUPPLIES YOU WILL NEED:

TWO Mint Cans (Original size is what I purchased, theoretically you could use the small cans as well.)

ONE "Rope Eye Strap" 1 3/4" wide Stainless Steel , this item is technically boat hardware. All ace hardwares carry them in their warehouse, if they don't already have them in stock.

TWO '3/8"x 6 x 32 thread, stainless flat head machine Screws. (Stainless is optional and typically more expensive because they don't rust as fast as zinc coated hardware).

TWO '6 x 32 thread, stainless hex head nuts. I chose the size 6 screw and nut because its what fit best in my strap. Depending on manufacturer different sizes may work better.
ONE eight penny nail (Finish doesn't matter. ONE size 17 wire brad nail (Length and finish doesn't matter). ONE: Hammer. ONE: Set wire cutters or diagonal pliers.

26 Gauge Wire, I used red wire I got from the craft store because I thought it looked cooler but any type of wire will work as long as its the right gauge. Will discuss how much length you need below. Probably should buy a roll, typically pretty cheap.

Now brand and color of spray paint vary by store and preference, but here's why I like these two brands. The Rustoleum 'Clean Metal Primer' is a great product that has good solid levels and helps prevent rust. I chose the Ace Premium Enamel brand because I love the spray head for small projects, its kind of a fan spray and you can turn it to spray vertically or horizontally. It comes in handy when you have clean lines and edges you have to work with. The color I chose was glossy 'Banner Red' because typically tool boxes are red, but whatever color or sheen finish you choose will work. I plan on making a hardware princess version also. PINK Pink Pink!

DISASSEMBLING YOUR MINT CANS: If you check out your can you'll notice that the lid of the can is held to the bottom by two thin metal tension flaps. Use a small flat head screw driver or your finger nails

(I used this method because the metal is extremely easy to bend back) to pull the flaps back enough to slip the lid off. Leave the flaps in the pulled back position until your ready to re-assemble.

If it wasn't obvious from the beginning the rope eye strap is what I used for my toolbox handle. Choose one of the can lids to be your top, put the other lid and bottoms aside until later. Luckily I was able to use the graphics on the can to help line up my lid handle. You could hammer form the top but I was worried that I would squish my lid so I flipped it over to line it up.

The advantage to doing this is that you have a little of a homemade metal grommet to help you hold and line up your handle for later when you screw it on you can see that in the last picture of the series. Whe you have your handle lined up where you want it take your 8 penny nail and hammer two holes on your lid. Make sure you have something to hammer on. I used a reed trivet which worked nicely and I didn't destroy my cutting board.

I took a video of the next step. View it here.

WRITTEN DIRECTIONS:
Take your remaining lid and choose a bottom. Turn your lid upside down and place your can bottom inside. Hammer 2-4 holes from inside the can bottom with your wire brad through both the can bottom and the lid. This way even when you flip them around the holes will still line up. Then mock assemble your cans to make sure you get your order down before you do your final assembly.

Ok so next step is paint. Find a well ventilated area (preferably outside) and flip your bottoms upside down and your lids right side up. Spray an even layer of primer and wait 15-20 of drying time. Make sure you check directions on your can. I didn't do any sanding or chemical prep on my cans. When primer is finished apply even coat of color. Wait to dry 15-20 minutes. Apply second coat if necessary or preferred. I only applied one coat of the red. When everything is finished drying line them up in order of assembly and get your wire ready.

FINAL ASSEMBLY: Again. make sure you have your can order correct. Attach your Bottom w/ no holes in it to lid with four brad nail holes.Push the tension flaps back in place over the lid hinge pins. Next Take two 6 inch lengths of wire and wire your top can bottom to the TOP of your bottom can lid. On the inside of your BOTTOM lid pull lengths of wire together and twist tightly for closer. Wether you leave the extra length or snip them shorter is your preference.

Wire the lengths through the inside of your TOP can Bottom so it looks neat from the inside.

Next attach your TOP lid to your TOP Bottom. Push the tensions flaps back in place over the lid hinge pins.

Next, get your mini handle (rope eye strap) and line it up on the nail grommet holes.

Take your machine screws and screw them through the lid.

Next, screw on your nuts and tighten down to hold handle in place snugly. I used the screwdriver to hold my screws in place while I threaded on the nuts then used my pliers to give the nuts an extra twist (BAH! :).

Now your toolbox is FINISHED! YEEEEEEEEEE! View from the front.

And View from the back!

SOME PROJECT MODIFICATION SUGGESTIONS: After about five minutes of playing with my toolbox my wire started to loosen making my cans wobbly. I disassembled them and used some very thin double sided foam tape to help keep the two cans attached together more snugly. If I were to make another one I might go as far as to use size 4 machine screws and nuts to just attach them together instead of wire. But I like the way the wire looks so I left it. But explore your options and know that you have more than one.

A NOTE ABOUT THE PAINTING: You may notice after playing with your toolbox that every time you open and close your lid some of your spray paint comes off. You can't see this when your lids are closed, but if your OCD like me it will probably bug you. I suggest using a thin 3/4" masking tape (Just the regular cheap stuff, you don't need the expensive blue or green stuff) and tape off the top of your can BOTTOMS before you paint them to prevent this. Tape off just the distance that the lid settles onto the bottom.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST: You can totally fill this will cool stuff dad/mom/anyone would love, or hodge pog pictures inside, or use it as a holder for a Hardware STore gift card! Happy SUmmer!

Cool Product of the Month

Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

This is awesome. For as much laundry as I do and as much as I hate sunscreen, it's the least I can do! BUYING.

Information from the Website:

SunGuard™ — an easy-to-use laundry aid that washes UV protection right into clothes. Add one inexpensive package of SunGuard to a load of laundry, and you wash a skin-saving Ultraviolet Protection Factor of UPF 30 into every garment — and protect against damaging rays for up to 20 washings.
https://sunguardsunprotection.com/?ccUser=

Hardware Store Family

Did I ever tell you how Miss Hardware fell in love?

Well once upon a time, there was a girl. She graduated from high school and moved out on her own. In this new town she moved to, there were two places hiring for the summer,

• 1.) Baskin Robbins (Soooooooooooooo Temping!) 
• 2.) The local Hardware Store (Not so tempting) 

 The hardware store was not so tempting for Miss Hardware because... are you sitting down?... she knew NOTHING about Hardware. But she has a master carpenter for a grandfather and helped a little during a family roofing project. Totally plausible right?

THE Interview:

Bossman: "Do you know anything about Hardware?"
Me: (Nope.) "Just the basics... I'm pretty sure that's a hammer!"
Bossman: "Can you use computers? We just installed computers on our registers."
Me: (OMG Totally! Hopefully it's programmed by myspace..) "Yes, I love computers."
Bossman: "Can you speak any spanish?"
Me: (Uht Oh..) "I took four years in high school....?Um, I can bake cheesecake!"
Bossman:(20 seconds of concerned stare) "I suppose you'll work. You start on saturday" 

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! 

So it turns out, his desperation totally got me a job. At the time he only had a few 'older' retired gentlemen working for him who weren't too interested in learning how to use computers, or speak spanish. Score! So for the whole summer I followed the guys around asking a million questions, listening to everything they said and regurgitated it like a pro. Because just like in hollywood sometimes you need to fake it to make it. So at some point during the end of this summer, I am minding my own business (happily in a relationship) dusting and straightening the register counter, when the breath is knocked out of me by a pair of green eyes and a smirk. Oh No, customer eye candy is the last thing I need. I pretend to function normally as I ring this guy up and turn around in shock to my go-to old guy Mr. J.

ME:"Oh my gawd, who waaass That????"
Mr.J: (Laughing) "Who James? oh he's a local kid, grew up with my kids. Used to coach him in T-ball."
ME: "You know him????"
Mr.J:(Shaking his head at me) "I can see where this is going..."
ME: (FREAKING OUT) "I don't know what your talking about."

So many months go by with me acting like an idiot, and for some reason not mentally prepared to deal with this guy at all, and he doesn't even talk! He just kinda has a smirk on his face as he wanders around the store. Oh well, he was way outta my league anyway. But somehow life always seems to get interesting. The next spring I broke up with my boyfriend at the time, which was terrible, as break ups always are. A few months go by and I think to myself "It's summer again, its been a while, maybe I should ask someone out". Hmmm that's a scary thought. But I've never had much of an embarrassment factor so how bad could it be? Well of course the first person I think of is James Boy Hardwonder. How am I going to do that? I can't do it when he's at the store, I would never hear the end of it from Mr. J and the guys. And so I, Miss Hardware, decided to look up his number is our customer info system (I'm horrified typing this out loud, but it's sooooooooo true!) AND just call him on the phone.

THE phone conversation: Ring Ring Ring

Girl Answers: (CRAP! of course he has a girlfriend! Why didn't I clear that with Mr.J first??? oh yeah, cuz i'm an idiot) "Hello?"
ME:(FREAKING OUT)"Hi, is James there?"
Girl: "Uh yeah.....(Pause)..... Who is this again?"
ME: (CRAP): "Uh it's kip.....from the hardware store....."(Dying)
Girl:(TOTALLY awkward and amused)"Uh yeah....(snicker snicker giggle)....hold on"
Boy Hardware:"..Hello?.." 
ME:(FREAKING OUT): "Hey it's Kip.....from the hardware store..."(OH I'm such an idiot!!!!) BHW:"Yeah I heard..."
ME:(JUST GO FOR IT!!!)"Um hey, so I was wondering.. I feel like we've kinda gotten to know each other (NOT at all. I'm just obsessed with you secretly) and I was wondering if you'd be interested in hanging out sometime... outside of the store...? And no worries if you not into this idea, It was just an idea on my part. (OH Sh*T!)
BHW: (Super awkward pause) "Uh, no yeah. I'd be interested in that idea. WHy don't I meet you after work on sunday and we can talk about what we want to do?"
ME:(Not breathing) "Yeah that sounds great, i'll see you then"
BHW:"How did you get my number...?"
ME:"From the store computer...."(I'M Such a STALKER!!!)
BHW:"Oh. ok cya sunday. Bye" ME: "Bye!" Click.

INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY. INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.INSANE HAPPY DANCING WORTHY OF HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC COMEDY.

STORY TO BE CONTINUED.....

Guh.Worst.Blogger.Ever

Yup. That about sums it up. But the couple posts the world is getting today will almost...almost, make up for it :) Cheers. Happy 2012 -Kip

April, May, June, July.... October!

Ok. I might be the most inconsistent Web Logger ever. But a lot has happened since July.

1.) Miss Hardware discovered she's expecting her first child.
2.) Lots of freaking out.
3.) More Freaking out.
4.) Freaking out and planning and building, and painting, and caulking, and chair rail molding, and baby furniture, and Freaking out.
5. And low and behold it's October!!!!

So now I'm back, and fiercely motivated :)

Kip Recommends: JULY 2011

Hey Y'all,
Going into a Bi-polar Nor-cal summer, I thought I'd suggest a couple cool product to make your summer/summer projects easier!

First we have: THE BACK PACK CANOPY
An awesome concept for families on the move, those who like puzzles, and shade lovers. Light weight and easy to set up, this is an extra cool summer toy that will definitely help you lazies who hate sunscreen. Just sayin'






















Next up: Flood FLOETROL

For anyone who paints by trade you know what an awesome product Flood's Floetrol is. A paint conditioner that will ease spraying, prevent clogs, extends paint 'open' time, and makes those annoying brush strokes disappear. A dream product to work with during your summer painting projects.




















OK Ladies and Gents! Let's get excited about a Power Tool!: DEWALT RANDOM ORBIT SANDER

This thing is the bomb dot com. I hate sanding and this thing makes sanding awesome. It's fun and easy to use, and it collects its own saw dust! Nuff said.

Kip Photography

I have been working on a photography project for your enjoyment. I am fascinated by color and paint and the chemistry of it all. I needed to share the simple beauty of mixing paint. It really is a sexy profession. Ps. Instagram is amazing!











I have been working on a photography project for your enjoyment. I am fascinated by color and paint and the chemistry of it all. I needed to share the simple beauty of mixing paint. It really is a sexy profession.

Caulk is Awesome

Where is your caulk at?
I'd be happy to show you.
Do you have brown caulk?


Ps. Sorry I figured I just jump back into blogging with some CAULK Haiku. Because caulk jokes never get old. And this is real people, I get asked where my caulk is all day.

Hardware Store Truth vs. Reality

Happy November,

So I want to discuss a little hardware store truth vs. reality. I hate to serve up a hot steaming, burn-your-tongue, reality check but I gotta throw some ideas out.

TRUTH
1.) Just because I work in the ______________ (Insert any general Hardware Store Department) doesn't mean I'm a professional ______________ (Painter, Electrician, Plumber, Landscaper, etc.)

REALITY
-Now, that does not in anyway excuse the fact that I should know what the hell I'm talking about, no where product is located, know what it is used for, and have the ability to suggest solutions to your various needs and/or problems. Or exclude the fact that I may have sometime been, worked in, or had some sort of experience with the actual profession of the department I work in.

REALITY CHECK

It is unfair to assume that someone doesn't know anything, or is bad at their job just because they have never been an actual professional. Just like many trade professionals, Hardware Retail is a job that can be learned on the job and over time from experience. And the POINT of our job is really two things 1.) Know all possible information about the product we sell, 2.) Be able to accurately suggest product for you to buy that could help/fix/enhance/refresh/clean/etc. whatever project your working on.

Just because we may have never actually used the product in real life, is actually a moot point. Really, I swear. It's actually not part of the job description. Does it help, Absolutely. Does it make someone a better source of advice, yes. But If you come in and tell me "I want to refinish my deck, how should I clean it?" and I suggest to you that you should use a power washer, and I've never actually used one in real life... That doesn't give you the right to a D*ck.

Basically, if someone is honest enough to say that they don't know the answer to your question and your rebuttal is "So why do you work in this department if you don't know?" don't be surprised if the answer back is

"Sorry sir/m'ame but I don't have any tissues and your being pretty snotty. Have a nice day"

Articles to come:

Vent me Colorblind
Cool S*Ht of the Month
Crazy Customers 1,2,&3
Hardware Haiku
Mas Hardware Retail Etiquette

Happy October!

My zen lesson of the month.

NOTHING IS EVER TRULY DEFECTIVE.

Make it work, and make it funny.

Kip

PS. I love working with my husband. We are mischievous creative geniuses :)

Graphic design Hero!

Please Visit

www.garrettscafani.me

www.garrettscafani.com

Photo Copyright Garrett Scafani

Hardware Haiku

Stupid Pink Spackle

Goes on pink and dries bright white

What's wrong with RAINBOW?

I'm addicted to...

Only the coolest Hardware stores sell BLUE SHARK CANDY NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!!

Best glass cleaner ever. I like to draw pictures in the foam on my windows. My husband doesn't appreciate the window art though... I blame it on the cats.

Yup. Completely pointless. But I am addicted to my laundry smelling like this. And yes I use Gain detergent.

..Don't Judge me. I've been doing laundry all day.