Hardware Store Family

Did I ever tell you how Miss Hardware fell in love?

Well once upon a time, there was a girl. She graduated from high school and moved out on her own. In this new town she moved to, there were two places hiring for the summer,

• 1.) Baskin Robbins (Soooooooooooooo Temping!) 
• 2.) The local Hardware Store (Not so tempting) 

 The hardware store was not so tempting for Miss Hardware because... are you sitting down?... she knew NOTHING about Hardware. But she has a master carpenter for a grandfather and helped a little during a family roofing project. Totally plausible right?

THE Interview:

Bossman: "Do you know anything about Hardware?"
Me: (Nope.) "Just the basics... I'm pretty sure that's a hammer!"
Bossman: "Can you use computers? We just installed computers on our registers."
Me: (OMG Totally! Hopefully it's programmed by myspace..) "Yes, I love computers."
Bossman: "Can you speak any spanish?"
Me: (Uht Oh..) "I took four years in high school....?Um, I can bake cheesecake!"
Bossman:(20 seconds of concerned stare) "I suppose you'll work. You start on saturday" 

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! 

So it turns out, his desperation totally got me a job. At the time he only had a few 'older' retired gentlemen working for him who weren't too interested in learning how to use computers, or speak spanish. Score! So for the whole summer I followed the guys around asking a million questions, listening to everything they said and regurgitated it like a pro. Because just like in hollywood sometimes you need to fake it to make it. So at some point during the end of this summer, I am minding my own business (happily in a relationship) dusting and straightening the register counter, when the breath is knocked out of me by a pair of green eyes and a smirk. Oh No, customer eye candy is the last thing I need. I pretend to function normally as I ring this guy up and turn around in shock to my go-to old guy Mr. J.

ME:"Oh my gawd, who waaass That????"
Mr.J: (Laughing) "Who James? oh he's a local kid, grew up with my kids. Used to coach him in T-ball."
ME: "You know him????"
Mr.J:(Shaking his head at me) "I can see where this is going..."
ME: (FREAKING OUT) "I don't know what your talking about."

So many months go by with me acting like an idiot, and for some reason not mentally prepared to deal with this guy at all, and he doesn't even talk! He just kinda has a smirk on his face as he wanders around the store. Oh well, he was way outta my league anyway. But somehow life always seems to get interesting. The next spring I broke up with my boyfriend at the time, which was terrible, as break ups always are. A few months go by and I think to myself "It's summer again, its been a while, maybe I should ask someone out". Hmmm that's a scary thought. But I've never had much of an embarrassment factor so how bad could it be? Well of course the first person I think of is James Boy Hardwonder. How am I going to do that? I can't do it when he's at the store, I would never hear the end of it from Mr. J and the guys. And so I, Miss Hardware, decided to look up his number is our customer info system (I'm horrified typing this out loud, but it's sooooooooo true!) AND just call him on the phone.

THE phone conversation: Ring Ring Ring

Girl Answers: (CRAP! of course he has a girlfriend! Why didn't I clear that with Mr.J first??? oh yeah, cuz i'm an idiot) "Hello?"
ME:(FREAKING OUT)"Hi, is James there?"
Girl: "Uh yeah.....(Pause)..... Who is this again?"
ME: (CRAP): "Uh it's kip.....from the hardware store....."(Dying)
Girl:(TOTALLY awkward and amused)"Uh yeah....(snicker snicker giggle)....hold on"
Boy Hardware:"..Hello?.." 
ME:(FREAKING OUT): "Hey it's Kip.....from the hardware store..."(OH I'm such an idiot!!!!) BHW:"Yeah I heard..."
ME:(JUST GO FOR IT!!!)"Um hey, so I was wondering.. I feel like we've kinda gotten to know each other (NOT at all. I'm just obsessed with you secretly) and I was wondering if you'd be interested in hanging out sometime... outside of the store...? And no worries if you not into this idea, It was just an idea on my part. (OH Sh*T!)
BHW: (Super awkward pause) "Uh, no yeah. I'd be interested in that idea. WHy don't I meet you after work on sunday and we can talk about what we want to do?"
ME:(Not breathing) "Yeah that sounds great, i'll see you then"
BHW:"How did you get my number...?"
ME:"From the store computer...."(I'M Such a STALKER!!!)
BHW:"Oh. ok cya sunday. Bye" ME: "Bye!" Click.

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STORY TO BE CONTINUED.....

Guh.Worst.Blogger.Ever

Yup. That about sums it up. But the couple posts the world is getting today will almost...almost, make up for it :) Cheers. Happy 2012 -Kip

April, May, June, July.... October!

Ok. I might be the most inconsistent Web Logger ever. But a lot has happened since July.

1.) Miss Hardware discovered she's expecting her first child.
2.) Lots of freaking out.
3.) More Freaking out.
4.) Freaking out and planning and building, and painting, and caulking, and chair rail molding, and baby furniture, and Freaking out.
5. And low and behold it's October!!!!

So now I'm back, and fiercely motivated :)

Kip Recommends: JULY 2011

Hey Y'all,
Going into a Bi-polar Nor-cal summer, I thought I'd suggest a couple cool product to make your summer/summer projects easier!

First we have: THE BACK PACK CANOPY
An awesome concept for families on the move, those who like puzzles, and shade lovers. Light weight and easy to set up, this is an extra cool summer toy that will definitely help you lazies who hate sunscreen. Just sayin'






















Next up: Flood FLOETROL

For anyone who paints by trade you know what an awesome product Flood's Floetrol is. A paint conditioner that will ease spraying, prevent clogs, extends paint 'open' time, and makes those annoying brush strokes disappear. A dream product to work with during your summer painting projects.




















OK Ladies and Gents! Let's get excited about a Power Tool!: DEWALT RANDOM ORBIT SANDER

This thing is the bomb dot com. I hate sanding and this thing makes sanding awesome. It's fun and easy to use, and it collects its own saw dust! Nuff said.

Kip Photography

I have been working on a photography project for your enjoyment. I am fascinated by color and paint and the chemistry of it all. I needed to share the simple beauty of mixing paint. It really is a sexy profession. Ps. Instagram is amazing!











I have been working on a photography project for your enjoyment. I am fascinated by color and paint and the chemistry of it all. I needed to share the simple beauty of mixing paint. It really is a sexy profession.

Caulk is Awesome

Where is your caulk at?
I'd be happy to show you.
Do you have brown caulk?


Ps. Sorry I figured I just jump back into blogging with some CAULK Haiku. Because caulk jokes never get old. And this is real people, I get asked where my caulk is all day.

Hardware Store Truth vs. Reality

Happy November,

So I want to discuss a little hardware store truth vs. reality. I hate to serve up a hot steaming, burn-your-tongue, reality check but I gotta throw some ideas out.

TRUTH
1.) Just because I work in the ______________ (Insert any general Hardware Store Department) doesn't mean I'm a professional ______________ (Painter, Electrician, Plumber, Landscaper, etc.)

REALITY
-Now, that does not in anyway excuse the fact that I should know what the hell I'm talking about, no where product is located, know what it is used for, and have the ability to suggest solutions to your various needs and/or problems. Or exclude the fact that I may have sometime been, worked in, or had some sort of experience with the actual profession of the department I work in.

REALITY CHECK

It is unfair to assume that someone doesn't know anything, or is bad at their job just because they have never been an actual professional. Just like many trade professionals, Hardware Retail is a job that can be learned on the job and over time from experience. And the POINT of our job is really two things 1.) Know all possible information about the product we sell, 2.) Be able to accurately suggest product for you to buy that could help/fix/enhance/refresh/clean/etc. whatever project your working on.

Just because we may have never actually used the product in real life, is actually a moot point. Really, I swear. It's actually not part of the job description. Does it help, Absolutely. Does it make someone a better source of advice, yes. But If you come in and tell me "I want to refinish my deck, how should I clean it?" and I suggest to you that you should use a power washer, and I've never actually used one in real life... That doesn't give you the right to a D*ck.

Basically, if someone is honest enough to say that they don't know the answer to your question and your rebuttal is "So why do you work in this department if you don't know?" don't be surprised if the answer back is

"Sorry sir/m'ame but I don't have any tissues and your being pretty snotty. Have a nice day"

Articles to come:

Vent me Colorblind
Cool S*Ht of the Month
Crazy Customers 1,2,&3
Hardware Haiku
Mas Hardware Retail Etiquette